We all have that friend who is the “Hello, how am I?” type, the one who speaks incessantly about themselves, while most of us fall into the “Hello, how are you?” category. While this level of self-absorption may be extreme and annoying to the listener, ironically there are benefits to constantly checking in and having emotions so accessible to oneself. When I think of the term ‘checking in’ what comes to mind is checking in on a neighbor or friend, my phone, a flight, a hotel and not so much with myself.
Checking in with ourselves emotionally is an important skill to possess. For some of us it’s easier said than done. My kids will often remind my husband to check in with himself as he’s overloading his dinner plate with food! When we check- in, we are putting some distance between ourselves and the experience which allows for greater objectivity. My daughter’s way of checking in is during a bedtime ritual where she reviews her “Pride, Peak and Pit” events of the day. Journaling is another good way of checking in.
When we practice being curious about our feelings and then learning how to identify and define them, their intensity reduces. Being specific rather than vague about emotions is useful. There are numerous “Feeling Wheels” that can be downloaded and printed to use as a tool to help us learn the language of feelings. Accepting our emotions as well as recognizing good feelings benefits both our sex lives and our everyday life as it lowers anxiety, leads to resilience and helps us seek positive experiences. Go ahead and ask yourself: “Hello, how am I?”!