What does low desire look like?

We see women all the time with “low desire.” Some practitioners are confused by “low desire” because how can you measure the absence of something? And how does a woman know if her low desire is a problem? Women who at one time had a strong desire for sex are more likely to be able to identify the problem. But frankly, not always, because sometimes your desire starts to go down slowly and the change is so gradual you don’t notice it.

Desire can also disappear suddenly. We have women who come in saying. “Gee…a year ago I suddenly noticed that I didn’t want sex. As a matter of fact, I feel as though if I never had sex again it wouldn’t bother me one bit!” That’s pretty sudden. But more often than not, it’s a gradual process.

The whole thing just seems so amorphous!

Well…it is. But then again it isn’t.

If you feel like you are struggling with low desire but aren’t really sure or if you should seek treatment, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Is the absence of sexual desire having a negative impact on your life? Does it make you sad or does it seem to be upsetting your partner? Honestly, it may or may not be. Either one is okay. Just be honest with yourself.
  • Is your relationship being negatively impacted by the lack of sex? Some patients say, “I feel like my partner’s roommate and that makes me sad.”
  • Is your absence of sexual desire universal or situational? Say at 10 a.m. you think, hmmmm…it would be fun to have a tryst with my partner at home but alas I’m an work. Then at 11 PM after a full day of work, making dinner and cleaning up, he turns to you in bed and you say “you have to be kidding!!”
  • Did you used to have better sexual desire? I had one patient who said to me “You know I used to be good at two things in my life, skiing and sex. Now all I have left is skiing. And I don’t like that.”
  • Does your disinterest in sex make you feel out of step with the rest of the world, and if so, is that a problem or is that okay with you?

Obviously, these questions don’t have black and white answers and we all live, if you’ll pardon the expression, in 50 Shades of Grey. But these are good questions to start asking yourself, or better yet, make an appointment to come in to see us.  We can help you.

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