Every month in some women’s magazine the sex columns recommend “changing it up.” You know, that’s where they recommend putting the spice back in your sex life by “doing something different.” Invariably, that “something different” includes suggestions like “do it in a different room,” “try a new position,” “wear a costume.” Well, I’ve been doing some thinking about that lately and sometimes small changes can have as much of an impact as large ones. And sometimes, it’s just not practical to make those kind of changes. You’re going to have sex in the living room. Really? And ignore the teenager slumped over the sofa on his laptop? You are going to find a gold lamé waitress outfit in your size? And, if you like and are familiar with other positions, you’ve probably used it numerous times and can’t really imagine contorting yourself into one of those pretzels the magazines suggest.
But what I’ve been thinking is that small subtle change, while being more practical and accessible, can be just as powerful. Maybe more so. Do you tend to be slow and loving while having sex? Maybe it’s time to be more aggressive and demanding in bed. Are you a sex talker? Try having sex in total silence while staring into each other’s eyes. Or do you always have sex at night? Maybe it’s time to reach for your love in the wee hours of the morning where you have hushed quiet sex in the shadows and fall back to sleep before dawn. If you’re a polite lover, maybe it’s time to reach for some of that street language you feel funny about using.
I’ve said it more often than I care to remember but it bears repeating here — if some of these suggestions make you a wee bit uncomfortable, that’s fine. That may even be good. Erotic, hot sex does not always live within the comfortable limits. It lives somewhere on the outskirts where your comfort level may be challenged. A little nervousness, a little insecurity, a little uncertainty can do wonders for your sex life (that’s why sex might have been so great early in the relationship when things weren’t quite so…well…comfortable).
So do yourself a favor and consider “changing it up” a little. And just remember, a little can go a long way.