Should I ask?

The other day I was asked, “Is it OK to ask what someone wants/likes when it comes to sex?”

I think we have this preconception that if we are to be good lovers, we must magically know what our partners want during sex. In order to have good sex (all forms of sex included) you have to find out what your partner wants. Sometimes this ‘want’ can be interpreted by positive reinforcement, “I love it when you do that….” or a moan to let your partner know you are on the right track. Other times it might have to be spelled out, “I loved it when you did…please do it again” or “I have always wanted to try…how about you?” These questions should be revisited time and time again as our wants may change throughout life. Just because you had this conversation 2, or 5, or 15 years ago, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have it again.

People think if you have to ask, you are not sexually skilled. The skilled person knows that we are all different and enjoy a wide range of sexual expression and pleasure. So if you want to please your partner, just ask. You may be surprised at how much closer it brings you. Usually, we think of ‘oral sex’ as mouth to sexual organs. Maybe we should open up ‘oral sex’ to include talking and communicating about it too. Both can get you very excited and turned on.

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