Affairs…Do they help married sex?

So here’s an odd thing. Yet another patient, tall, dark, very attractive and in her early 40’s said to me “Geeze. The best sex we ever had was when he was having an affair…and I KNEW ABOUT IT.” This is soooo not the first time I’ve heard this. And why was this, I asked her. “Well…” she faltered, “I’m not so sure. On the one  hand there was the competion factor. I wanted to be better than her. On the other there was this intensity. I wanted to keep him! Also, he seemed so much more confident. He was able to be much more forceful with me…and ….(and here she looks particularly puzzled,) I was angry at him and that seemed to help too. Am I nuts?” No sweetie. You are not nuts. At least not if you judge by other women feeling the same way.

This sparked a discussion in the office — a group of women compared it to when their husbands go to strip clubs and bachelor parties. Somehow, the fact that these men are being turned on by other women turns on their wives and, as one person in the office said “G-d, when he comes home, we are both so ready to go!”

I AM NOT ADVOCATING AFFAIRS. Please, hold the hate mail. Not all women feel this way. Please hold that hate mail too. However, some competition, some straying eyes, some third party turn on, can add trememdous spice to a relationship. The big question is how to build it into YOUR relationship in a way you can handle, in a way that won’t damage  other parts of the relationship, and a way you can both agree on.

Well, no one ever said it was going to be easy.


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