Talking to your friends

[Heather34]

I was single with vaginismus until I was 25. During this time, I was attending college and had very close friendships. I also have an amazing best friend of whom I’ve known since we were in the 7th grade. Yet, I could not tell any of these closest people in my life at the time what I was going through. I remember this very vividly and I wish now that I had shared this with them. I know it would’ve helped to receive their support. I just felt so shy about bringing it up then. I told my very best friend and two other close friends what I went through but only after I had the procedure. I had my treatment in July and ended up opening up to these 3 closest friends in October. Each one of them was very supportive and so understanding but my best friend couldn’t believe I didn’t tell her. Have you told any of your close friends about vaginismus? If so, how did you bring it up to them?

[Vashalla]

Several years ago, I opened up about my vaginismus at a regular weekly dinner gathering with a group of friends consisting of both men and women. It seems like a very odd time and place for this topic to come up, but this group is a little different from most in that discussions about sex aren’t taboo, and we’re generally very open in our discussions. During our after-dinner conversation, one of the people in the group was talking about a friend of hers (who she didn’t name) who was having some problems with sex. The symptoms she was describing were very similar to my own, so I decided to share my story with the group in the hopes that it would help my friend’s friend. I remembered how freeing, in a sense, it was when I finally found out that there was actually a name for what I was going through, and that I wasn’t weird. I was nervous about opening up about something like that in that setting, but there were a couple of reasons why I decided to do it. One, if I could help another woman by giving a name to what she was going through, it would be worth any potential embarrassment to me. And secondly, women aren’t the only ones who need to know about this condition. Men especially need to know about it so that they can potentially recognize it if they see it, and hopefully steer clear somewhat of those feelings of rejection that vaginismus can cause in men.

Fortunately, all of my friends reacted with compassion and curiosity, rather than negativity. All but one, that is, and my friends and I rallied against him and told him in no uncertain terms how wrong he was about his supposed “cure” for vaginismus, which I won’t go into here. I didn’t pay his words much heed either then or now. I’d done my research at that point, and I knew what some of the common treatment options were. At any rate, with the exception of that one person, I now had a group of people I could confide in if I needed to. I even came out soon after to a slightly wider group of friends on my LiveJournal account (a blog of the olden days) because more people needed to know that this is a thing that exists and that it affects more women than you realize. There too, I was met with compassion. I have to say that I am truly blessed with a very good group of friends.

[Nakitalab]

Vashalla, that is awesome that you spoke up and shared with your friends and that they all rallied around you. I never felt comfortable sharing with any of my friends, until right before my procedure I shared with a very dear friend of mine who was very supportive. That is so awesome that you spoke up because you are so right, if we can help just one other woman who could be suffering in silence it would be so worth it stepping out of our comfort zone and sharing. You rock!

[Becca]

I have opened up to quite a few friends and family members. It has felt awkward every time and the hardest part is just what to say first. Usually I just tell them that I have a medical condition called “Vaginismus” and then I just explain what that is and what it means. Everyone is always shocked, as I was when on my wedding night when I realized something was wrong, no one ever has any idea its possible to NOT be able to have sex. Everything in movies and on TV make it look SO easy but it is definitely not like that in real life!

[Bitesize]

I’ve vaguely discussed it with a friend who I don’t really talk to anymore. I’d love to be able to talk about it with more people but I don’t think that’ll be happening for the moment..

[Heather34]

Quote:

Quote from Vashalla on November 5, 2013, 23:29
Several years ago, I opened up about my vaginismus at a regular weekly dinner gathering with a group of friends consisting of both men and women. It seems like a very odd time and place for this topic to come up, but this group is a little different from most in that discussions about sex aren’t taboo, and we’re generally very open in our discussions. During our after-dinner conversation, one of the people in the group was talking about a friend of hers (who she didn’t name) who was having some problems with sex. The symptoms she was describing were very similar to my own, so I decided to share my story with the group in the hopes that it would help my friend’s friend. I remembered how freeing, in a sense, it was when I finally found out that there was actually a name for what I was going through, and that I wasn’t weird. I was nervous about opening up about something like that in that setting, but there were a couple of reasons why I decided to do it. One, if I could help another woman by giving a name to what she was going through, it would be worth any potential embarrassment to me. And secondly, women aren’t the only ones who need to know about this condition. Men especially need to know about it so that they can potentially recognize it if they see it, and hopefully steer clear somewhat of those feelings of rejection that vaginismus can cause in men.

This is wonderful and so brave of you Vashalla!!! Ladies, what have been your own experiences with talking to your friends about vaginismus?

[KatieG07]

My BFF knows EVERYTHING about me. We meet once a month over dinner and drinks and chat, she knows more then my parents who know a little about my vaginismus. She’s been my rock. shoulder to cry on and huge support. She went through some other infertility issues and is due to have her first baby on June 12th 3 days after my procedure. I thank her so much for all the support!!!

[KatieG07]

It’s sad how we suffer with vaginismus in silence for years. If we could be or were diagnosed at our 1st OB exam (well for us who can do the exam) we may not be here today.