How can I help my wife?

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  • #18898
    mm
    Heather34
    Moderator

    Hi all. In an excellent recent post, the following was written from a husband after his wife was recently diagnosed with vaginismus:
    “My wife has my 100% support and I’ll be right by her side the whole journey. Our doctor has advised that a lot of couples move forward to an even more fulfilling sex life after treatment for vaginismus. As her husband I have been researching on what I can do to help her through the treatment and I have now set out my own plan on what I can do, along with things like attending her counselling sessions if requested, assisting with dilation if and when she wants to involve me, remaining intimate in other ways, massages and just general support.”
    This is so, so wonderful. I wanted to share with you also an excellent article from the National Vulvodynia Association (also a member of our vaginismus Forum). While your partner may have the condition of vaginismus and not vulvodynia, sections of this article may also be helpful in coping with this condition too.
    https://www.nva.org/pdfs/b4c2c2785f69bc68ee683837ef6f96ca.pdf
    Excerpts from the article include:
    “You can advocate for your partner by accompanying her to medical appointments. If you offer to accompany her and she declines, that’s okay. Your offer will mean a lot to her. If you do accompany her, it’s up to the two of you to decide what role you will play. For example, you may choose not to be present during the physical examination, but participate afterwards when the clinicians discuss the findings. Since healthcare professionals are sometimes rushed, you can help your partner develop a list of questions before the appointment and make sure they are answered during the visit. By participating at medical visits, you can help your partner recall information and better equip both of you to discuss treatment options…”

    #19598
    mm
    Heather34
    Moderator

    Hi all. In an excellent post, Dr. Pacik has written: “So often my vaginismus patients sit on the forms for months before returning them for my evaluation. They are simply unable to bring themselves to completing the forms. This is where the partner can take the lead, by patiently sitting with his honey and completing the forms as a joint effort. He submits the forms, I review them, and both are involved with my phone call to give guidance.” For me personally, it helped so much to have my husband involved in helping me to complete the forms. It felt that much more like we were going on this journey together as a team.

    #20584
    mm
    mazemelissa
    Moderator

    Partner involvement in vaginismus treatment can be very helpful. I always encourage my patients to try to have their partners be as involved with all aspects of treatment. From the phone consultation, to dilation. Most partners are super supportive, and are ready to help in any way they can. Since our ultimate goal is usually intercourse, the partner’s involvement early on, can make the transition to intercourse easier.

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