Best positions

[Determined]

Hi there,
I’ve had Botox injections 2 months ago and have dilated to the size where I feel comfortable attempting intercourse.
The way I use my dilators is resting up against the bed head with legs resting against pillows on either side.
The problem-my husband is a bit on the solid size and this way couldn’t work well so we tried a few positions (including me on end of bed with legs up, hubby standing), which I didn’t particularly like (control issues and didn’t quite get it in).
Any other advice for positions? I feel so comfortable the way I dilate but want to also help out my hubby (he’s lacking confidence/drive after so long without penetration).
I would appreciate any tips-we are quite positive about our first try as he did get probably halfway in and he finally got to see how it didn’t hurt or cause me to panic-I still have to work on this though, I find my hands clenching the blanket without even realising it’s happening!).
Thanks in advance!

[Aimee Goldman, RWHNP]

Hi Determined-I think it is great that you are comfortable dilating with the larger size dilators.
Here is a recommendation that we share with our patients post botox and post dilation.
One position is similar to the missionary position. Have your partner kneel between your legs as you are lying on your back.
Have your partner insert the largest dilator so that he can adequately gauge the appropriate angle. Then, using his or your hands, slowly insert his penis into your vagina.
Make sure to use a generous amount of lubricant.
Also keep in mind that your partner may have a difficult time maintaining his erection. If that is the case his physician can prescribe Cialis, Levitra or Viagra.
Good luck-hope this is helpful to you

[Determined]

Thanks for that..I’m practicing this way as putting my legs up on his shoulders makes me feel uncomfortable.
Yes my husband sadly is having worries about maintaining an erection and I’ve suggested some help-he doesn’t love discussing this but he’s coming around.
I feel like we are so very close so I’ll try spreading my legs a bit further and guiding it in.
Thanks for the help!

[Rachel Hercman, LCSW]

hang in there Determined…sounds like you’re listening to your body and staying present.

[Determined]

Staying present! Great way to put it. All the psychological stuff dragged me down for so many years and I’m finally coming around to believing I can finally get through this.
My body and mind would just shut off for me and I feel like they are communicating now with this issue.
I’m looking forward to trying the suggestions…on my back might work better-I’m just used to dilating propped up that being on my back feels weird now but this will be a better angle for my husband.
Also just wanted to give a shout out to all those women dilating today, everyday or anytime! We rock for doing it and having to physically and mentally prepare for the process each time 🙂

[Nicole Tammelleo, MA, LCSW]

Hello Determined!
Glad to hear you are feeling like you can get through this! And we know you can, and thanks for giving a shout out to all those other women dilating, they always need the support! Please do let us know how it goes with the new positions.

[Lauren86]

Hi There-

I had the Botox injections 5 years ago and still intermittently dilate especially when not in a steady relationship. Intercourse is always tricky and certain positions I find hurt
More than others. I find I also have he same control issues and putting my legs up on my partners shoulders typically is not an option I am comfortable with and it leads to deeper penetration. I find being on top allows me to have the most control and helps my partner focus on something else other than maintaining an erection since we typically have to do all the work (lol). I am now 31 and have been dealing with this for 14 years. It is so much more psychological than physical for both parties. Best of luck to you- with time and perseverance you will get there!!

[Determined]

Hey Lauren,
Appreciate the reply. I have tried on top but find this to be a bit awkward (perhaps too much lube so slippery haha).
I just want to ask-did you dilate sitting up like this first or not? I find I get comfortable in my dilating position and it’s weird moving.
I really do need to get over the control aspect as I think that’s my main problem at the moment.
Thanks ladies for the help-so nice to feel supported.

[Lauren86]

So I would usually dilate laying flat first and then start with the basic missionary position very slowly. Once my partner was able to get it in almost fully we would switch to me on top. The dilators are very stiff so any movements with them I always found challenging. Also something that may be helpful- Dr Pacik suggested a long time ago- he told me to use the dilators and either have my partner or alone ( maybe alone first) try to use them as pleasurable either with a vibrator or your fingers just so there is not so much negative connotation and “work” associated with them. I tried that a few times and it helped me relax once I was with my
Partners and I was able to actually enjoy sex.

As for the lube- it’s sooo hard to tell how much you need isnt it- lol!

[Determined]

Oh the lube is the funniest part! Also love when my cat decides to snuggle between my legs in the middle of dilating!! So many funny stories.
I’m getting there…dilating every day and now need to try penetration again. It’s so fiddle sometimes, it’s like I need to build confidence every time I change position which gets to be so annoying.
Getting there though! I’ve also been told that if partner inserts dilator, that helps with control aspects-I want to let loose so bad, and there are times I feel completely relaxed, and then work out I’m not really.
Thanks again for the tips! Always welcome to other ideas, tips etc

[recessivegenequeen]

I definitely want to second the being on top suggestion. When my partner and I first started with penetration we would do missionary just because I dilated lying on my back, and once he was able to get his penis in we could switch it up more. For my pleasure being on top is definitely best and it gives you far more control than other positions in terms of finding an angle you actually enjoy and moderating the amount and depth of penetration.

Bringing your partner into the dilation somehow is a huge way to help make the crossover to penetration with your partner. For me it helped me to remember that while dilation feels like a lot of work, sex is supposed to be fun! Bringing in vibrators or kissing or whatever already brings you pleasure while you’re dilating will help to prepare you for an enjoyable sex life.

[Determined]

Thanks for the reply.
I actually put the dilator in sitting up the other night and it went in really easy now so will try this way with my husband. My husband has currently hit a wall in that because I’ve had the problem so long, he now feels maybe he can’t perform. It has taken a little gentle encouragement for him to go to the doctors to get something to help-for my husband his pride always gets in the way. Any tips from ladies here? I’ve tried to tell him it’s not his issue, any male would struggle initially going through the same thing and the extra help (pill) will only be temporary so we can achieve penetration successfully and move on. It takes the pressure off him. It seems he thinks in the opposite way sometimes…
I am going to try on top now though since I know I can do it.
The physio has really helped me with dilator exercises so I feel confident that even as the Botox starts wearing off, I’ll be fine!
I’ll keep in touch for those interested-hoping this forum is helping others even if they don’t actually post.

[Aimee Goldman, RWHNP]

Hi Determined- Please let your husband know that he is not alone. Many of our patients partners need Viagra or Cialis for the first few attempts at intercourse. They too have associated intercourse with pain. They fear that they will hurt you when they penetrate. This can certainly affect their ability to maintain an erection. Also, the first few times usually takes a lot of time and patience. This too can cause your partner to have a difficult time retaining his erection.
Keep in mind that this is usually short term. When he is confident that intercourse will not hurt you he will have a much easier time maintaining an erection.

[Determined]

Hey guys!
In need of some support/advice. My husband has now seen the doctor for a bit of help (yayy) but we tried intercoyrse this morning with no luck.
I dilated beforehand-that went in with no issue but I’m now finding it’s hard to get a position that works. The best was probably on my back with a pillow under my bottom to get a better angle. I still find I’m pushing his leg away because I’m not in control. I didn’t end up getting upset and neither did he but frustrated would be the right word.
I guess I’m just having a down day and need some encouragement and a pick me up. We were really close today but the more fiddling and changing positions that happened, I guess we both just got annoyed.
How many times did you guys try before achieving success??

[Aimee Goldman, RWHNP]

Hi Determined- It is great that you dilated without any difficulty. Giving up control can be so hard. My advice is to try intercourse with you on top. This way you can control how deep you go and how much movement is comfortable for you.
Stay positive-you are doing great!!!!