I recently collaborated with Fiera blog writer Kristy Lin Billuni to discuss where to have sex and different ways to make space for sex. Fiera is focused on helping women get their mind and body in the mood for sex again. It’s well known that the world we live in today is buzzing with distractions and noise. Whether it’s kids or technology, it can be hard to get away from everything and find time for sex. But putting in extra effort to chisel some free time and clear all the clutter and distractions of everyday life is an important way to make space for sex.
“When I was a teenager, I used to babysit my cousins so my aunt and uncle could go out and have sex in the back of their minivan. I remember hanging out with my aunt while she prepared for one such outing. She lined the van’s backend with blankets and spritzed it with Calvin Klein’s Obsession. She raised one eyebrow at me and said, “Don’t tell your mom this is what we do when you babysit.”Because of my aunt, I learned early on that keeping a sexual relationship alive meant putting effort into having sex, making a place for it, even in the busiest of times.
When I was a teenager and a twenty-something, my biggest sexual problem was space. For me, “not supposed to have sex” meant I had sex in cars, campers, dark rooms, dugouts, and broom closets.
I remember that place-focused sex fondly. For a lot of people, the tension around sex you’re not supposed to be having, the tension that causes you to have sex in crazy places, makes sex exciting. Maybe that’s why there’s a juicy cocktail called Sex on the Beach and why people like to boast membership in “the mile-high club.”
Tension can make sex more exciting, but the effort to create space for sex makes it pretty awesome too. You don’t have to be hiding your sex life from your kids or your parents or anyone to put some thought and effort into where you have sex.
3 WAYS TO MAKE SPACE FOR SEX
CLEAR THE SPACE
Because it’s the room I’m least likely to show guests, I tend to treat my bedroom like extra storage space. It’s also the room in my house least likely to get vacuumed. But prioritizing your sex life means treating the bedroom like the crown jewel of your home. Founder of the design company AumHome, Nidhi Huba recently spoke to SheKnows about how to feng shui your room for sex. Huba suggests clearing unsexy things like dead plants, dirt, and dust first.
SET A TONE
Huba also emphasizes adding two of anything: lamps, candles, night tables, and working with the five senses. Choose colors based on what you want in your sex life. Reds increase energy. Blues calm. Greens encourage heart-centeredness and prosperity. “Go beyond just colors,” Huba adds. “Really try to use every sense. I love encouraging my clients to switch to soft sheets, cozy blankets and soft rugs. Work with room sprays and spritz a mix of sandalwood, cedar, rose and vetiver over the bed.”
DITCH THE DISTRACTIONS
“People get sucked into social media and work emails and before you know it, an hour has slipped away and it’s too late to get amorous,” says Bat Sheva Marcus, LCSW, MPH, PHD, and clinical director of Maze Women’s Sexual Health.
Smartphones aren’t the only distraction you may need to clear out of your bedroom, but they are a common distraction. I can think of a million excuses to bring my smartphone to bed, from reading myself to sleep to waking myself up, but none of those activities are any good for my sex life.
“I know it’s hard, but try to keep the smart phones out of the bedroom,” Marcus suggests. “Invest in an old fashioned alarm clock, if you need to be woken up. But if you keep the phones out of the room, you’ll be amazed to find you have freed up so much time for talking and snuggling, not just sex. And if that seems like too big a barrier, then at least use the rule on weekends.”
Where you have sex matters, and it’s possible you used to think about it more than you do now. If you have your own home and you’ve got no kids or grown kids, the tension about where to have sex may be gone. That doesn’t mean you should stop thinking about where you have sex. On the contrary, this is an ideal time to think about making your bedroom a great place to have sex.”
You can read the entire blog and check out their site here: Where to Have Sex